I feel horrible.
I feel like every time I write something, that I am complaining — that’s not who I want to be, that is not what I want. So please accept my apology in advance and if I may, steal a few more moments to try to express my thoughts and feelings.
I’ve discussed this a lot the past couple weeks – the positives and the negatives to all things. There are many positives to what I do and of course, I’m bound to run into a negative once in awhile (as in all things). But the one I want to discuss is the loneliness.
Traveling is one of my greatest joys – I love flying. There is just something about going to the airport that gets me all excited. I love the take off, I love the landing – I am always headed for a window seat. I love to travel. But as I’ve gotten older, I’m finding myself thinking that traveling would be so much more fun if I didn’t do it alone all the time.
I’ve taken at least a hundred more trips alone than I have with anyone. I haven’t gone on a family trip in years (besides the 2 weeks with my mom a year ago) but I’m talking about my family, like my whole family. And I’m afraid that we’ll never be able to get that chance again – it just gets harder as you get older. I’ve never gone on a trip with a serious boyfriend — I’ve taken a couple trips with guys but it was always more like a group of people going, I never had much alone time with anyone. And I’ve gone on some friends trips or all girls trips or etc but again, I think it’s been like 5 years since I’ve done that. People can’t go – they can’t take the time, they don’t have the money, they’ve gotten married, they’ve had babies, etc. I miss it. I miss friendships. I miss people.
The other thing that really gets me is that, I feel like I lose so many memories. I’ve been to so many fun places and I have no photos of it. I’ve done so many fun things and I have no photos of it. And many times, I forget about those times until something reminds me. Than I recall those moments and they become bitter sweet – for I am glad that I experienced them but sad that off the top of my head that I can’t remember them and that I have no photos of it, nothing to show of it – it almost makes my memories seem more like dreams. This makes me sad – I don’t mean to forget, I don’t want to forget.
Wat do you do that helps you remember? Places, people, times, moments? I think if I don’t have a camera, I should try writing it down.. but if I’m working (which I usually am, all my travels are now focused around work) I’m just so tired at the end of the day. Many times, I want to call and talk to someone but usually everyone I want to talk to is busy or they’re tired or etc, it just always seems like something. So at the end of the day, I always end up alone. I always board the flights alone, I always go back to my hotel alone and now I get home and I find… somewhat alone (not so lonely now that I have my dog in the new apt).
Sometimes I tell myself that I am all I need for the sake of my own sanity, that I can do everything I want by myself and still be totally happy – while that’s true, I wonder if I would be happier with someone. Oh the troubles of singledom, of loneliness. At least, it’s not drama filled like a relationship, right? 
I want to share some of the photos I take as I try to preserve memory – let me know what you think.
Wendy, it’s as though you spoke everything I have felt at one point or another. When I went to NYC, I took hundreds of pictures because I never wanted to forget the times I had in the Big Apple. I have become known for taking pictures at my family functions. I also feel the same way about traveling alone vs traveling with a friend or family member. I also agree about the point regarding singledom. It’s tough but a relationship is tough too…or so I’ve heard. Thank you for sharing this article. It spoke to me in so many ways.
Oh Wendy! I can relate to this in so many ways!
I’ve had some great memories, that I never got to “document” either by picture or written in a journal or something. And at times I really wish I could relive them again, and this is one of the reasons why I get depressed during New Years, it’s because you can’t relive those memories and they’re “gone” in a way.
I do feel like being alone doesn’t have mean loneliness, you can be your own person when your “alone”. But I do get the otherside of the argument, where you can be happy to share your day and thoughts and feelings with, no matter how quirky. Just someone there to talk to about everything, and anything.( I would like to say something more here, but it’s something i don’t really share with many people, mostly because of my own embarrassment.)
But you should definitely share your photos and memories! It is definitely a great way to preserve them, especially your travels.
Wow, didn’t peg you to be the type of gal that would be lonely. But it happens to everyone I suppose. I actually went out to a bar tonight because I had a pretty sad breakup happen as of the last 2 months. Me trying to find happiness in the bottom of a bottle i suppose. Which never ends well, trust me! I always loose that battle lol. But at any rate I feel where you’re coming from. Sometimes it feels so. . ..so unfair I guess to be left behind when others find there happy endings. Aka families, marriage, kids, all that stuff. Like when is it my time to have that perfect ending?? Why do all the episodes in my life end crummy and full of disappoint. Why must I remember every positive detail of a terrible encounter? And it’s simple. Every terrible moment we have ever had, has at least one plus moment! It has to , otherwise why would we be in that moment to begin with? It’s just life’s way of testing us i guess, seeing were we belong in the grand scheme of things. Sucks most of the time because it really is a smack in the face. But loneliness is sometimes the best way to figure one’s self out. So take the time to reflect and look inward at yourself. And really look, almost put yourself outside yourself and look. If that makes sense lol. It’s easy to be pissed at life when you have your thoughts, memories, and ideas. But when you are able to look passed that and see what others see, that is when you can truly appreciate who you are and how far you have come. And you will make it! I’m sure of it, and I don’t even know you. Wish i did lol, but who doesn’t wish they knew you. Your a beautiful human being and actually very intelligent and real worldie lol. But at any rate I hope this little line of text cheers you up Missy. And if not, I’d be glad to chat with ya to try and put some sunshine in you otherwise cloudy day. So let me know lol, but if not take care and I look forward to you future posts, blogs.
Hi Wendy,
.
sad but true. How older I get, Its harder find one and only girlfriend, because my mind is changing, and what was significant yesterday, is not important today. And worst of it, I not sure, if I be happy in serious relationship, get used to singles life way too much
She need to be strong character, like you.
Wishing you meet finally some guy interested more in you thoughts than twins.
And in the meantime, keep shooting photos like those over here – they look good.
Where are these photos from? Is that snow still on the ground in the last picture? These are cool photos. I’ve never been a big photo taker, always relying on my memory or nick-nacks I pick up along the way. It would be nice to have more but I am the worst photographer this side of the Mississippi!
Anyway, I went to my friends wedding alone in Chicago last weekend. I got on the plane alone, got to the hotel alone, went to the wedding alone, left the wedding alone (well, actually I escorted my friends brother to his hotel because he was super wasted… so that’s kinda like being alone since the cabby said nothing). The hotel was in Rosemont. There could be 100 people near you in Rosemont and you would still feel alone. I got back on the plane to LA alone, and went to bed alone when I got home.
On one hand, I never feel totally alone because I recognize a “higher power” so to speak, and I have friends, family and business associates. But it’s been a while since I’ve felt connected romantically. Like, if I were to go to Disneyland, Six Flags or Universal tomorrow, I would have fun but at the same time I would feel a longing watching the couples enjoying the park and the roller coasters. I’m happy for them, but I wish I had what they have.
Looking back, the drama in relationships was totally unnecessary. And, like an idiot, I passed on some amazing girlfriends that involved no drama. One in particular was going to school for massage therapy and I got to be the practice “dummy” while she was in school. Yeah, I passed up a massage EVERY DAY! God I was so dumb!!!!
My conclusion is that you just get along with some people and you don’t get along with others. No book, therapist, checklist, tv show, advice or nothing will do anything to really help. If you find “drama”… leave. But, when you are young you are attracted to the drama because it SEEMS to address something you erroneously thought you lacked.
Now that I wrote this, I think I’m going to make a point of relaxing more and not working so much. I love my work so that’s a little hard. But jeez you’re right. I gotta mix it up a little bit and share.
These photographs are hauntily beautiful…
I smack my head at the end of each year when I noticed my photographic albums are small; it’s not that my years are uneventful but that I forget to photograph the memories of little events that I take for granted…most of the times, I’m enjoying “living in the moment” that I neglect to record the moments.
As far as I am concerned, there will always BE DRAMA regardless if you’re single, in a relationship, married, divorced, remarried, celebate, promiscuious, fun-loving, fun-hating, thrill-seeking, happy-at-home, etc. Life is drama; the best relationships (friendly and intimate) have the most passionate drama because the person(s) care about one another enough to work on that relationship. …and you’re a passionate woman on many levels: loyalty, independence, constructive criticism, love, you know…
My hope is that you may find peace within you to learn from these moments of negativities to embrace the positivities; admitting to feeling lonely doesn’t make you weak! It reaffirms that you have stronger convictions and robust self-awareness than many…
Many blessings on you and your loved ones, Wendy!
Adrian
PS: The best cure for loneliness is music
Music was my refuge. I could crawl into space between the notes and curl my back to loneliness ~ Maya Angelou
The worst part of holding the memories is not the pain. It’s the loneliness. Memories need to be shared ~ Lois Lowry
If you’re lonely when you’re alone, you’re in bad company ~ Jean-Paul Sartre
Loneliness adds beauty to life. It puts a special burn on sunsets and makes night air smell better ~ Henry Rollins
If one’s different, one’s bound to be lonely ~ Aldous Huxley
Loneliness is the most unloneliest feeling in the world, as everyone has experienced it ~ Jarod Kintz
“Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.” ~ Jodi Picoult
Hey,Ms.F! Sorry to hear you feel lonely sometimes…I guess we all do sometimes,no matter who we are and who we’re with…I think it’s human nature…the grass always seems greener on the other side….as you say yourself,at least you’re missing the traumatic side of relationships. I’m curious what holds you back from a serious relationship…with your personality and looks,the World’s clearly your oyster…there must have been loads of opportunities to be with someone special…maybe deep down,the freedom you have and the lifestyle you lead(which you clearly love) is too much of a thing to sacrifice for the sake of a partner…and if that’s so…that’s ok..the friends and family you have obviously make your life very rich…and with all our time on this planet very short,that’s all that matters….that’s how I feel anyway…I’m single,but as I’ve gotten older,I don’t worry if I’ll ever meet anyone again or hanker after someone…I guess I just enjoy the journey! I’d say I’ve never been happier! Keep yourself happy,Wendy…you have too much not to! xx
There’s no need to apologize for expressing how you feel. Everyone has moments in their lives when they look around and realize that they are alone. I think the most important thing to realize in those situations are the people that know and love you, like family and very close friends. As far as memorable moments are concerned, it is nice to have others to spend time with. If you are feeling lonely on one of your trips though you should feel free to fire up the webcam anytime and chat with us members
These are your photos? Awesome!!
As I speak I sit alone in a hotellroom in Santiago de Cali in Colombia. I’ve spent over a week there since last friday. I have a girlfriend there but I couldn’t stay at her place + it’s a somewhat dangerous neighbourhood as well. So I’m at a relatively swanky part of Cali in a fairly quiet side street at a cheap but by no means bad hotel. The staff has been amazing and made me feel at home. Most of the days at least I’ve had the chance to eat lunch with my more than gorgeous girl and tomorrow we’ll finally go on vacation, together.
I don’t enjoy the travelling as much as I love being at other places. But whenever I really travel it’s mostly in order to meet other people, not for the places themselves. It’s the 3rd time I’m in Colombia and it’s as if I’m home again. It’s really strange this. But I guess it’s because many of the key events in my life have happened here, it’s a place where I feel like I’m actually living and loving. II don’t really feel like I have a life in my own country.
I know the feeling, when I feel alone, I just close my eyes and think of all the good people in my life. Yeah, they’re not with me right now, but they will be at some point, and by taking a lot of pics, it lets them see what I see when I’m on the road. If you send me an email, I’ll give you my phone number, you can text me or call me, when you want someone to talk to.
When I started traveling around a few years ago, I told someone, “we are the children of fallen angels, walking the earth in search of hope” I always liked the sound of that lol. I hope to get the chance to talk to you one on one someday, I think we’d get along really good.
and after reading this I needed to hear Journey “lights” lol
Oh Wendy, I feel for u.
The road is hard and doing your work would be tough scheduling and most of the time the places you are visiting would just seem as backgrounds for the next shoot. I travel a bit myself and know that feeling well, i must say tho that taking someone with u, whether for work or play can be a double edge sword.
You got too be chilled travelling close with someone and alot of give and take as to how they’re like to travel with. Peoples Beahviour patterns really come out when travelling. Thus if you go about things in a certain way, differences may annoy or irritate. Nothing worse than being stuck with someone you cant stand for the next 13hrs of flight time.
I find Best ways to remember Places is via Food and Music. * Specific song i heard at that place, * Ate one very unique dish at this place, etc. Sounds and Tastes, Luv it
I know alot of touring Bands take constant photos of themselves whilst on tour, maybe you could do that when your on the road. That way its your prespective in the shots. We see what you see.
Keep Travel Stubs, Concert Tickets, Travel tickets, any other documents that would otherwise be foreign. (brochures etc)
The one Coolest trip i’d want to take with someone special is the Bullrun Rally in the US. Take a nice Sports Car,(Aston Martin/Lambo/Ferrari) and see America Via the Road, Staying at 5 star Resorts along the way, with a bit of partying thrown in. I just need a Gourgeous Women who knows a bit about the US. What do ya Think Wendy?
Most single people from their late 20s onwards feel a bit lonely some times. On balance, I would rather be in a relationship but being single is also good. You can do whatever you feel like doing!
I guess I’m the odd duck, here… because I love travelling alone, and I really don’t like taking pictures. I love having great memories of journeys and adventures… and sometimes I wish I were more inclined to take my camera with me everywhere I go… who knows, maybe someday I’ll be that guy always snapping candids and sharing pics with people.
… But, I don’t know, I think there’s a lot of internal strength to be gained from travelling solo. Maybe this is just a romantic ideal I have as a man, but I like the fact that I can step away from my life to do something in a new city; somewhere I’ve never been before, doing things I’ve never done before. I recognize that I am empowered when I am with my friends, and that all experiences are magnified when they are shared with people that we love. And that’s precisely the reason that I think it’s so important to be able to do these things — to be able to push our comfort zones and explore new frontiers (or even just have a relaxing getaway) — on our own. It builds character, lays a solid foundation of self. And having that foundation lets us go back to our homes and to our friends and live a more actualized life.
I can absolutely see why, however, after spending a lot of time doing just that, you’d want to have some reliable travelling partners. The open road can get lonely sometimes…
I know exactly how you feel about living alone. I wake up in the middle of the night, shower and head to the pubtrans and take it into the city as the sun rises, spend all morning and afternoon in classes, studying and work and come home in rush hour and get back when it is sunset. No one to talk to other than friendly yet unconcerned neighbors, people who know me at the grocery store or malls. I face everything alone and sometimes feel that I’m living the same 10 days over and over. No joy, no release. People stare at me and I look back. Faceless names while I’m a nameless face. I have no love, old fading friendships from HS and new fake “acquaintances” every semester. I’m a real person but feel like a fake person. A fake human being. This probably doesn’t make any sense, hahaha. I know a little about how you feel Wendy. You’re not the only one. I hope that helps.
I started taking pics of some of the places I go for my job, some of those places I took my son to later on. just cause you can’t always remember the things you’ve done, doesn’t mean you won’t make cooler memories.
Hey this song is on topic: Climax Blues Band: Couldn’t Get it Right.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xYLaCCCBJWI
Kinda funny this band was originally called the Climax Chicago Blues Band… but they were really from Strattford England! Here’s a pretty funny clip of them when they were on “Top of the Pops”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FRVSSwJYqh0&feature=related
Kind of makes me think seeing Wendy’s amazing boobs in some circa ’76 attire would certainly brighten up the day. Cheerio, all.
Wendy, I just sent you an email with some pics of places around Maryland, since you said you don’t take many personal vacations, and your always sharing with us, I wanted to share something with you. hope you enjoy
So then I spent a holiday vacation within my holiday vacation, and went to Cartagena with my Girl. It didn’t go without drama, but in hindsight I’m glad these issues got brought up. There were times when I thought, this isn’t going to work. But it gave me wonderful opportunities to handle those situations. How? By being patient, understanding and by not being too proud to admit one’s errors and mistakes. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met but my main attraction to her is the emotional bond we share. If I finally get to marry her I’ll invite you to the wedding Wendy
just popped by to say thinking of you, and happy 4th Wendy
Hey Wendy…. Can I get a copy of the second photo down, the one with the long shadows, its awsome……
Keep your finger clicking ….
I loved this entry, Wendy. I live alone now. I used to travel a lot – like you, on business. I always created a photo album of places I visited – alone or with my ex-wife. I’m also a compulsive diary keeper. But neither the photo albums nor the diaries equal the memories. Psychologists would probably say the best hint in your remarks is the bit about a dog. I’ve never had a pet of my own, but they say they’re the most reliable “friend” when we feel lonely. But, and I repeat myself, you’re still YOU, THE BEST THERE IS IN THIS BUSINESS. Just keep being you, for us out here.
If you can’t keep a journal, and you forget to take pics, try to keep music playing as much as possible. I am constantly reminded of places I have been and things I have done by the music I was listening to at the time. It is a great catalyst for fading memories.